Midnight Oil

As I write the clock has passed midnight, yet the night is young. This shall be my first all-nighter of the semester, and since I have already decided that, I am not afraid to invest a few minutes in this post. I feel as though this is "reality week" for me academically. I had a paper due last night, another due tomorrow, three more Thursday, and a final culmination with a very important paper due Saturday. It is the latter that has occupied my time and motivates my all-nighter. I have finally concluded research, more or less, and will now dive into writing, attempting to get it all done tonight so I can revise for a few days as I write my other papers. Some assignments I do to complete, others to excel. Of my seven assignments/papers of this week, this is my excel paper. My topic was prompted by a debate I had with Dr. Spann last year before the presidential election. He voted for the Constitution Party candidate on the basis that our civic duty is to vote for the best candidate, not the lesser of two evils just because one of them is bound to win the election. While I vigorously disagreed with him at the time, I have since been reexploring my political philosophy in this area, and thus decided to write this research paper on historical thought regarding whether we are ethically bound to vote for the best candidate or just for the best candidate who is "electable." I'll post my conclusions when I finish the paper. It's fascinating me, though it has been very difficult to find early American thought on this topic. My professor, Dr. Hedburg, suggested this would be a good doctoral thesis. It would not interest me to that extent, but she is right in that it seems to be a topic largely unexplored by other authors. At least my paper will be original, if not as extensive as I'd like.

I've spent nearly all of the past two days in the library. I've found myself geographically displaced in my search for a place of focus. I work in a cubicle with other GAs (graduate assistants) but for some reason my desk has become the focal point of social interaction in the office, and I have wonderful conversations there but get little accomplished. Studying at home is next-to-impossible if only because my brain is so easily distracted by other tasks and minor things that come up. The library is a half-way compromise. Some of my friends are gauranteed to provide temptation for distraction, and one of my friends, Peter, virtually lives in the library (being of the more studious type than I am) so conversations that start based upon discussing assignments often lead to extended periods when I should be studying but I often would rather discuss philosophy and politics than read and write about it. This week most of my classmates and I have shared the common purpose of this paper, and the pressure of knowing Dr. Hedburg has threatened to shock us all with low grades has kept us more focused than usual.

Coming out of an absolutely awesome weekend with God, I find I am not stressed about everything I have to do but am concerned I cannot complete it all in the level of excellence I would like. However, sometimes I am very wrong in evaluating my own work. I just back my last two assignments from Dr. Bom--one of which was a short paper which took me a week to write for some unknown reason-- from my Democracy and Development class. I thought he would be disapointed in my work because I did not feel I was really on the ball in my writing. He loved them both, however, which surprised me because he does grade me somewhat harshly because he has high expectations. He always makes me laugh with his comments that I am "comprehensive and balanced, despite strong beliefs." Interpretation: "holy cow girl, you're opinionated! But since I agree with most of your opinions, I'll call you balanced and give you a good grade..."

Really, I'm not at all balanced because I know he already KNOWs the other side of the issue and that he "gets me" when I go off about the stupidity of liberals in Latin America =) I may not be "balanced" but I'm right... which is must more important to me...

He asked to talk to me about doctorate work. Funny timing because just this weekend I felt God told me to let that go and not try and "plan" that stage at this point. I had just done all this research at work on Regent's "competitors" and in the process looked into PhD programs all over the country to see what my options were. I was left a little taken aback at the length of the programs etc... and worried about it...especially since if I were to start next fall, I'd have to apply by this December. However, I definitely feel like God wants me--at least for today--to wait on what He's going to do. Hard because I want to plan and have no idea how I would possibly ever pay for doctoral work, yet want and need to do it so... well, I know God has a plan.

I had to register today for commencement in May. Feels so strange because I still feel I just began and I'm already planning "the end." Right now it looks like I'll take another heavy credit load in the spring, walk in May, and then finish up my remaining 6 credits at Oxford next summer.

Of course, I should refrain from planning my finish until I am faithful to write this paper. I shall now return to theories and ethics of voting behavior and hopefully write a good paper. I know I need to do a more generic "how I'm doing" post for those I'm out-of-touch with, so I will...eventually.